An Outsider In My Own Family

Have you ever felt like the people around you would be far better off if you we're not in there daily lives???

Recently I just got on a GreyHound bus & went to my dad's 15 hrs away I was gone for 3 weeks.

Since I did not leave on good terms, I had no idea what was in store for me in the near or distant future. Or where I stood in  my feeling towards leaving, my husband, my family.

After 3 weeks living with my dad & my brother & there many girlfriends who came & went with the sun. Literally. I thought it was time to go home not being any further ahead then I was when I left but, instead feeling like I needed to be back where I understood the way of life. So after a 15 hr ride home my husband & children met me at the bus station. It was great to see the kids but, it was awkward seeing my husband because I have as of yet figured out what to do, where to go ect....

We are going on day 3 of me being home & it appears that. The house, the children, finances & my husband have done better with out me being present.

I started feeling this way when I noticed that my husband purchased new underwear & pajama pants. I have been asking him to do this for years & have even done it for him only, to have him complain about it.

When i asked him about these purchases he said that "men want to be leaders in there homes not mothered" & of course that is just one of the things that got me thinking of how much better off my family seemed without me present.

I know that I have a part in this family & that my children are better off with both parents present.

My question is: If my families life is better off when I am not present should I stay? For my own selfish reasons or leave & let them pursue a better way of life?

They all seem to be so happy, about the way things are.

I know that I am suppose to embrace & adapt to these new changes & I am trying but, these changes don't seem to include me or have any room for me to participate. My family seems to have it under control. When I try to include myself in any of the daily activities they all tell me it's ok. They don't need my help.

At first I thought there we're mad, upset anything with me but, they really are ok. They really do ALL have it under control.