It has been a long year with so many changes. With 3 moves, a major health issue, 2 new children & as always financial worries. But, what is different is how I deal with them. I used to worry night & day, lose sleep, make myself sick & now I very seldom get anxious like I use to.
The difference has been my belief that God does not give you more then you can handle & when you take a step back & see that the world is not ending, dying or falling apart before your feet you can sit back amidst all the chaos & confusion & just breath. No matter how heavy your plate may feel, it is nothing compared to the suffering of the world. We all worry so much about such pointless & meaningless things that we forget how many others live, we have so much & others so little. As long as you have what God thinks you need then you are ok, no not ok but, truly blessed.
No matter how angry, anxious or uptight you maybe God has a plan & a future for you!
In my case it is learning to stop trying to change my husband & focus on what & how i will turn this constant hurt into something that will be able to uplift & empower others.
A journey of self discovery & daily trials. Learning to become who I am truly meant to be, on my terms.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Monday, January 31, 2011
An Outsider In My Own Family
Have you ever felt like the people around you would be far better off if you we're not in there daily lives???
Recently I just got on a GreyHound bus & went to my dad's 15 hrs away I was gone for 3 weeks.
Since I did not leave on good terms, I had no idea what was in store for me in the near or distant future. Or where I stood in my feeling towards leaving, my husband, my family.
After 3 weeks living with my dad & my brother & there many girlfriends who came & went with the sun. Literally. I thought it was time to go home not being any further ahead then I was when I left but, instead feeling like I needed to be back where I understood the way of life. So after a 15 hr ride home my husband & children met me at the bus station. It was great to see the kids but, it was awkward seeing my husband because I have as of yet figured out what to do, where to go ect....
We are going on day 3 of me being home & it appears that. The house, the children, finances & my husband have done better with out me being present.
I started feeling this way when I noticed that my husband purchased new underwear & pajama pants. I have been asking him to do this for years & have even done it for him only, to have him complain about it.
When i asked him about these purchases he said that "men want to be leaders in there homes not mothered" & of course that is just one of the things that got me thinking of how much better off my family seemed without me present.
I know that I have a part in this family & that my children are better off with both parents present.
My question is: If my families life is better off when I am not present should I stay? For my own selfish reasons or leave & let them pursue a better way of life?
They all seem to be so happy, about the way things are.
I know that I am suppose to embrace & adapt to these new changes & I am trying but, these changes don't seem to include me or have any room for me to participate. My family seems to have it under control. When I try to include myself in any of the daily activities they all tell me it's ok. They don't need my help.
At first I thought there we're mad, upset anything with me but, they really are ok. They really do ALL have it under control.
Recently I just got on a GreyHound bus & went to my dad's 15 hrs away I was gone for 3 weeks.
Since I did not leave on good terms, I had no idea what was in store for me in the near or distant future. Or where I stood in my feeling towards leaving, my husband, my family.
After 3 weeks living with my dad & my brother & there many girlfriends who came & went with the sun. Literally. I thought it was time to go home not being any further ahead then I was when I left but, instead feeling like I needed to be back where I understood the way of life. So after a 15 hr ride home my husband & children met me at the bus station. It was great to see the kids but, it was awkward seeing my husband because I have as of yet figured out what to do, where to go ect....
We are going on day 3 of me being home & it appears that. The house, the children, finances & my husband have done better with out me being present.
I started feeling this way when I noticed that my husband purchased new underwear & pajama pants. I have been asking him to do this for years & have even done it for him only, to have him complain about it.
When i asked him about these purchases he said that "men want to be leaders in there homes not mothered" & of course that is just one of the things that got me thinking of how much better off my family seemed without me present.
I know that I have a part in this family & that my children are better off with both parents present.
My question is: If my families life is better off when I am not present should I stay? For my own selfish reasons or leave & let them pursue a better way of life?
They all seem to be so happy, about the way things are.
I know that I am suppose to embrace & adapt to these new changes & I am trying but, these changes don't seem to include me or have any room for me to participate. My family seems to have it under control. When I try to include myself in any of the daily activities they all tell me it's ok. They don't need my help.
At first I thought there we're mad, upset anything with me but, they really are ok. They really do ALL have it under control.
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